Seal, Anesthetic Beloved

I sit on the seal's back while they hold her down,
Eyes dark, wraithlike, bloated gross to me
And huge thrusts of deplorable
Grunts as I shove the needle into her spine.
Health disgusts me now and the
Tent is white, the pool, damp, shudders like everything
Is cold seeping water into my boots
And I retch a little
Dumbfounded to my preposterous decision,
Why I did it for him, though he won't ever know
Not here anymore, but everywhere
The blank black glare of this seal and
grinning spot of white and yellow
teeth. That grin is him, as he
Welcomes me to hell, and shakes
On the sparks of stars and then my
Eyes go back in my head and I see nothing.